On top of being home full-time with two boys who are trying to kill each other at every turn, I haven't slept for years. And I mean four years. Unless you count the quick overnight business trips but those aren't very restful. When I do go out of town and leave my kids for my mom or sister, they sleep. They sleep like no tomorrow. They are WORKING me.
Last night I woke up at 12:30 and couldn't believe that my youngest was still asleep. He typically wakes up every night at 12:00. Every night and he usually gets up more than once. I really need to take him to a sleep specialist but I know they are just going to tell me that hes waking up because he can. I'm the problem - not him.
Anyway, I thought "this is it," he's finally going to sleep through the night. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep! At 12:45 he appeared in my room. We did the quiet walk back to his room and I snuggled with him. Which means, I fell asleep in his bed. I know, I know. But, what would you do if you hadn't slept in four years?
To make matters worse last night, my eight year old came into his little brothers room in the middle of the night and told me he had a bad dream. So, out of one twin bed and into another. Not sure what happened after that, but I woke up this morning back in my four year old's bed.
Stop the merry-go-round, I want off. I miss my big king bed, down pillows and down comforter. I miss feeling like an adult. I don't want to drink a pot of coffee to feel human in the morning.
I'm dreaming of crawling into this bed and sleeping through the night. Without my 4 year old.
Peaceful bedroom courtesy of Phoebe Howard.
4 comments:
I loved reading your blog. It's timing couldn't be more perfect as it thankfully provided a wonderful memory for me just when I needed it.14 years ago my life was vey similar to what you describe for the very same reasons.I have 2 boys-4 years apart. I moved from bed to bed every night till my oldest was 6. I desperatly craved sleep just as you've described. My sleep this evening, is interrupted as I wake with motherly concerns- my oldest is leaving for college in a day. I read your blog as crocodile tears rolled down my cheeks-I can't cry in front of my son because I am fairly certain I wouldn't be able to stop and I refuse to selfishly rain on his parade-as I recalled similar sleepless nights. How I miss those nights that you've described (which at the time I never dreamed I would-no pun intended)when they couldn't sleep and I slept with one them in their bed or they came to me to sleep in our bed. I clearly remember my oldest,at 3 or 4 years old, would hold my face in both his little hands as we faced each other.I would close my eyes to prompt him to do the same. I would carefully peak to see if his eyes were shut...he would finally drift off and I would hold his tiny wrists and gently move them to a pillow as I slipped out of bed to move to any unoccupied bed or sofa to finish my nights sleep.I had forgotten those nights, mostly because I wanted them to end as I was in need of a long stretch of uninterrupted sleep like you. At this very momennt I easily and selfishly wish them back again. But, chin up, I will hug and cry at move in day as many moms I am told do-knowing I did my "mom job" (like you) 14 years ago and each day since to proudly see him off on his own knowing in a tiny way how much I've helped.Snuggle up well with your little guys tonight.
Cheers.
A Mom.
No wonder I haven't spoken to you! You're falling asleep while the kids watch television and eat breakfast! :P You poor thing! On a side note, if you think you should take him to a sleep specialist, I say go for it! We're battling our own problem here and your Mommy intuition is usually right on!!
Wow - thanks for your wonderful comments. It's nice to know that you are not the only one going through sleep deprivation. Cellasti - your comment made me cry. It was so heart warming. Thanks for putting everything in perspective for me! I will try to savour these sleepless nights as I know, like you, I will be worried about other things before I know it. Thanks again for sharing your personal story.
This is the first time I've been to your blog (I love it, by the way). YOU are wonderfully talented - even while operating on little to no sleep!
When I saw this post, I knew I had to comment. I also have two young boys (anyone else see a pattern emerging?) who aren't exactly great sleepers. Mine are 4 and 3, only 13 months apart. So, we usually end up with two little friends in bed with us. I am SO SICK of sleeping with one or more appendages hanging off the side of bed! If you come up with any quick-fix tips, please let me know!
I will definitely be adding your blog to my daily "rounds." :)
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